In Dreams
You know the old song by Roy Orbison, right? “In dreams I walk with you, in dreams I talk with you, in dreams you’re mine?” Well, sometimes dreams are all we have, all we can cling to.
About a year and a half ago, I found myself utterly confused about my life, most specifically my love life. Here I was with the absolute dream man, the perfect guy, the one who really did make my hopes come to fruition, and I’m pushing him away. I’m making it impossible for him to love me, and I can’t figure out why. The doctors gave me this pill and that pill, said keep taking them and everything will be fine, but… I just stopped feeling human.
I keep taking the pills, each day, gradually taking more and more in the hopes of feeling again, of being loved and loving this wonderful man, but the more pills I took the less I wanted anyone near me. I ran away almost every weekend, because I was convinced that he knew I was de-evolving and that eventually, I’d just stop being at all. But I always came back to him, because I hoped against hope that he would help me feel again. Anything, I’d take any feeling at that point. I couldn’t explain it to him, how I felt, because I was afraid he’d hate me. Everything I did, the pills told me he’d hate me. I wondered if maybe I was this way regardless of the pills, so I stopped taking them around the time he had had enough of me. So now I can’t even tell him I’m human again. Thus, I retreat to my dreams, where he’s always mine. Where I can always hold him, kiss his beautiful face, and where he believes my declarations of love. The orderlies talk to me every day, the nurses beg me to come back, my family cries and cries, but it’s not enough.
Everyone is waiting for me to wake up, but I won’t. Not until my dreams come true.