Forced Expressions
“By the way, doc, thanks for the extra time.” The corners of the doctor’s mouth crept upward a quarter-inch in acknowledgment. Ben continued. “Anyway, I realized things were improving when the gun daydream changed. I always imagined holding the pistol to my head before. Under the gun, right? Then one day, I started pointing the barrel away from me. Soon it stopped being a gun at all, and I held saws, and hammers, and cordless drills instead. Baby steps, sure, but the sense of relief was huge.”
The late afternoon sun slid between the blinds, spotlighting dust motes and throwing sporadic rainbows when the light caught the doctor’s glasses. Ben liked the effect. “I felt more in control, at work, at home, at church… everywhere. I had a place in the world again. People could tell I’d changed.” The doctor’s eyebrows lifted, one at a time. “No, really, doc, I saw it in their eyes. My mom stopped trying to get me dates. My ex stopped threatening me with restraining orders.”
A nod. “Doc, you’ve helped. You know when to ask me questions and when to let me talk things out on my own, like now. The dam’s burst and all the stuff I had swirling around in back can flow. Can you tell the difference?” The doctor’s head shook, almost imperceptibly. Ben smiled, undeterred. “Well, you haven’t seen as much of the new me as my family or friends. Heck, even your receptionist and the other patients in the waiting room noticed. It’s like the energy radiates out from me.”
The doctor’s brow furrowed. “Oh, don’t fret, doc,” Ben said in response. “The medication you gave me made a difference too. A little at first, like you told me, but one day, the drugs kicked in big time. The gun moved away from my head. No more voices, either. Silence. All the lovely silence. For the first time in years, my thoughts were my own.” He grew quiet. “I barely recognized them.” He waited as the doctor’s mouth opened, as if to say something, and closed again, leaving his observation unspoken. Ben appreciated his restraint. “I figured, between the drugs and talking to you, I was cured. All better. So a few weeks ago I pitched the ones I still had, and now I’m here to thank you properly.”
Ben stood up. “I guess this is goodbye. Wish me luck.” The doctor’s expression stiffened. “There you go again, doc, worrying. Relax–you have nothing to worry about anymore. I’ll be fine.” Ben opened the door. “Whoa! Starting to smell out here. Guess I went on longer than I realized. Well, duty calls. Thanks for everything.” He closed the doctor’s eyes, pushed one eyebrow back up into everlasting skepticism, and replaced the head on the slumping torso in the wingback chair. Then he picked up his toolbox and stepped out, grinning, to face the world.
