Personal Ads After the Zombie Apocalypse
Women Seeking Men
NEW in TOWN
Back-to-earth party girl just “staggered” into town last week, and is
looking for a guy who knows his way around. Show me farmhouses, shopping
mall, bomb shelters etc. I want to be “where the action is!” If this sounds
like you, respond to millingabout@loveaintdead.com.
Hey big boy.
Petite blonde looking for my Teddy Bear! I love a man with lots of meat on
his bones! Facts up front – missing one arm, (my ex kept it!!) But you’ll
never notice once we meet! Respond to hungrymama@loveaintdead.com.
Nothing gonna stop me now!
Except a giant case of the “lonelies!” Are you my soul mate? Looking for
love that, like me, can outlast gunfire, stabbing, drowning and being set on
fire. Must love cats. Respond to tuffgirl38@loveaintdead.com.
Men Seeking Women
Are you “The Smart Girl”????????????
Then I want to talk to you! Looking for a girl with a BIG BRAIN for walks
on the beach, long talks and maybe more. Short hair a plus. Respond to
yumcranium@loveaintdead.com.
My heart is yours.
Literally. Willing to send it ahead of our first date. It’s actually falling out a bit
already. Looks not important. Respond to gapingchestwound@loveaintdead.com.
WANT BRAINS
BRAINS. BRAINS. BRAINS. BRAINS. BRAINS. BRAINS. BRAINS. BRAINS.
BRAINS. BRAINS. BRAINS. BRAINS. BRAINS. BRAINS. BRAINS. BRAINS.
BRAINS. BRAINS. No smokers. Respond to brainguy@loveaintdead.com.
Missed Connections
LAST TUESDAY on the SUBWAY
You – a pretty redhead, early 30’s, wearing a green striped blouse and
carrying a burgundy handbag.
Me – ate your spleen and your right hand. Please contact me when you’re up
and around. I think we could have some fun. Respond to laststop@loveaintdead.com.
Craziest and most inventive short I’ve read for ages lol. The tuffgirl38 part creased me with laughter, the small details do count. Nice work.
Comment by Leehughes — September 26, 2009 @ 4:04 am
Chris, that was brilliant, just brilliant. Absolutely loved it. I’ll be laughing for a while because of this fantastic story. Thank you! I’m so “pimping” it on facebook.
Comment by suzie bradshaw — September 26, 2009 @ 12:43 pm
This is sensational. I’ll be on the lookout for your work. Can’t think of a word good enough to describe it.
Comment by Grace McCall — September 29, 2009 @ 7:15 am