MicroHorror

My poor Emily. You’re the last person I’d expect to see here on my stainless steel table. I can’t say I’m glad you’re here, but I was touched that your mother and sister came to me to make arrangements. They knew I loved you. You were the best friend I ever had.

Did I scare you? I have to wear this mask, respirator, and protective suit because the chemicals I work with are highly toxic. Working with formaldehyde-preserved specimens in our high school biology class is one thing; this is another. Don’t worry, Emily. I’ll talk you through it all so you’ll know what to expect.

There. Your sponge bath is done. Your skin is clean and disinfected. Now, I’ll give you a massage. I’m just going to flex your arms and legs and massage the muscles. That makes it easier to pose you later. Okay. We’ve finished the prep work. Now comes the most important part.

I’ve made two incisions in your neck: one in the carotid artery, one in the jugular vein. I’m going to insert a tube into each incision. One is connected to my fluid pump; the other is the drain tube. When I turn on the pump, embalming fluid will move through your veins and push the blood out through the drain tube and down the drain of my special sink.

I can legally dispose of blood this way. It’s perfectly safe. When embalming fluid mixes with blood, it destroys any viruses and contaminants present. Let’s turn on the pump. We’ll talk while it does its job.

Emily, I still can’t believe you’re here. How did things go so wrong with Frank? I was at your wedding–I could tell how much you loved him, and he sure seemed to love you. Your sister Linda told me a different story. How a man could ever hit a woman he claims to love is beyond me. Why did you stay with him? How did you become a victim?

When we were children, you always defended me. The other kids called me Creepy Charlie. They hit me, kicked me, pushed me down, even rubbed my face in dog shit. You were my only friend. I loved you so much. I wanted to tell you, but I knew you could never love me that way. You needed someone tall, dark, and handsome–not a geek like me.

The pumping’s done. Let’s move on to the cavity embalming. I’m going to make an incision right here–just above your bellybutton. There. Now, I’m going to insert this long needle called a trocar into your abdomen and thoracic cavities. It’s connected to a suction pump that removes air and leftover blood. When that’s done, I’ll inject a concentrated embalming fluid. It provides a more thorough means of disinfection and preservation.

All done. I’ve sewn up the incisions. You get another sponge bath, then I’ll wash your hair. I see you’ve got some color back in your cheeks. That’s the dye in the embalming fluid. After I wash your hair, I’ll rub your hands and face with a special moisturizer. Then I’ll dress you and do your makeup.

Emily, I promise you’ll look beautiful. I’ll fix the dent in your skull and add extra hair. I can’t believe the police bought Frank’s story. You just fell and hit your head. Yeah, right.

Let’s get you into the makeup room. I’ve got everything I need in here–cosmetics, wigs, latex, prosthetics of all sorts. You wouldn’t believe the condition that some people arrive in. We morticians are real artists. We have to be.

There, you’re all fixed. Let’s get you dressed and made up. Your calling hours are tomorrow, your funeral the day after that, but I’ll be done with you in time for dinner.

After I eat, I’ll come back for Frank.

I’ve got him locked inside one of my caskets.

It’s not airtight, so he’ll live.

Until I embalm him.