Nasty Chester
“How do you really feel about me, Chester?” Cindy Sue asked.
Shy Chester wasn’t sure how to answer. But an inner voice told him what to say. “I think you’re the most fabulous woman on this campus. You’re beautiful, extremely intelligent, a fabulous writer. When I see you in Creative Writing, my heart pounds, and hot lava races through my veins.”
Chester’s outpouring of verbal love electrified Cindy Sue’s soul. Overwhelmed with passion, she opened herself to him.
Chester sighed deeply. His daydreams were out of control again. If only I could walk with her after class I’d have a chance to articulate my feelings. But her nasty-looking boyfriend prevents any possibility of realizing my dreams. The bastard waits for her outside the classroom every damn day. How the hell am I ever gonna talk to her when King Kong hogs her time? Doesn’t he ever get the flu? Doesn’t he ever fall and break his neck, or crash his car into a pole?
The voice told Chester, “There’s only one way to get what you want… kill Kong.”
He chided the voice for suggesting such an immoral, illegal, but fabulously delicious idea.
Every day, the voice urged Chester to take action. Soon, the idea of nudging Cindy Sue’s boyfriend into eternity seemed logical, reasonable, necessary.
One day after class, he stalked them. They lunched in the student lounge, then strolled to the parking garage. When they entered a pickup truck, they kissed.
“You should be in that truck kissing her,” the voice said. “I’ll bet they’re gonna do more than just kiss. Yep. I was right. Look–the truck’s jiggling.”
The sight sickened Chester. He regurgitated, then and ran from the garage.
The voice gave Chester lots of ideas on how to kill Kong. Chester got so desperate he acted on one of them. However, he didn’t count on Cindy Sue being with her boyfriend when the pickup’s brakes gave way. The truck sailed over a cliff.
With Cindy Sue gone, Chester nearly died from grief. He cursed the voice.
Cops interviewed every member of the Creative Writing class. They spent extra time with Chester when he slipped and said he loved Cindy Sue.
“Did you do something to the truck, Chester?” a detective asked, searching Chester’s eyes. “Maybe to get rid of her boyfriend? To have her all to yourself?”
“Me? Kill somebody? Oh no, sir. I couldn’t kill a fly.”
“But you did time in the State Boys’ School for killing things.”
“I got cured while I was there. Dr. Manning said so.”
“Are you really cured, Chester?”
“Yes, sir. I’ll never strangle puppies again.”
The interview shook Chester to the core. That detective’s sharp. I think he’s on to me. I’ll get the gas chamber for sure. I gotta hide somewhere.
The voice suggested dozens of hiding places.
Taking the voice’s advice, Chester ran to the cemetery at midnight and opened Cindy Sue’s grave.
“Hi, Cindy Sue,” he whispered, swinging open the coffin lid. “It’s me–Chester. We sit across from each other in Creative Writing. Would you like a Tic Tac?”
He thought she nodded. The voice confirmed it.
Climbing into the coffin, he lay on top of her. Embracing her tightly, he kissed her cold, fetid lips, and passed the mint from his tongue to hers.
“Hope you don’t mind that I’m so sweaty,” he said. “The lid’s so heavy. Feels like it weighs a thousand pounds. It was harder to open than I thought.”
After more passionate kisses, he confessed his deep yearnings.
“But I’m not eighteen yet, Chester,” she seemed to say. “I’m jail bait.”
The voice whispered, “Tell her nobody will ever find out.”
“Who’s gonna know?” Chester asked, holding her tighter. “I won’t tell if you don’t.”
He thought she giggled.
“This beats the gas chamber any day,” he said, reaching up to close the lid.