MicroHorror

“Bob. Bob. Wake up, Bob. Bob. BOB! Wake up. Hey Bob, how you doing? Your head okay? Good. Here’s a little grammar tip, Bob. ‘Literally’ does not mean ‘a lot.’ When you say you literally have a ton of work to do, that’s not true unless there’s an actual 2,000 pounds of something to do. Okay, Bob? If you drove a forklift and had 2,000 pounds of something to move around, then it’d be appropriate, and maybe even clever. But you can’t drive a forklift, you just sit in the office and make eight times what the rest of us make. You treat us like serfs. Do you even know what a serf is, Bob? You’re not smarter than any of us, Bob. You just happen to knock up a girl whose dad owns the business. And every time you say you’re LITERALLY bored to death by being forced to spend eight hours in this building, Bob, you remind us of just how unfair this whole arrangement is. Guess what, Bob. It ends tonight. I’ve got a couple of the cordless drills we have 500 extra units of. Guess who ordered too many of them, Bob? Guess who doesn’t think it’s his responsibility, Bob? And guess who’s the only guy in this building whose job isn’t on the line because of the screw-up? It’s you, Bob! And that’s all going to end tonight, Bob. I’m going to see how many times I can put this drill through you. I’m thinking ten, Bob, but feel free to try get that up to a dozen or so. You can scream all you want about being literally bored to death, because for once it’ll be true.”