Rob the Rich, Feed the Hive
A long time ago in Merry England, there lived a flesh-eating parasite by the name of K’rd. In its native language on planet R’drock, K’rd translates as both “hate” and “collector of food.” Upon landing near Locksley, K’rd found its first food in question: a young babe in the cradle of a peasant. K’rd, being no longer than a needle to pull thread, let itself be swallowed by the babe, whereupon it took residence in its skull.
The child is known today as the famous Robin Hood, with an artificially enhanced psyche that made him the best shot with a longbow in all of England.
As K’rd replaced his bodily fluids with venom and eggs on an extremely slow daily basis, Robin formed a band of sevenscore merry men in Sherwood Forest, courted the beautiful Maid Marian, and defeated the greedy Sheriff of Nottingham.
After the king’s pardon, Robin’s mind began to deteriorate. He became less and less merry, and no longer delighted in archery contests and October ale. He started to see things that were not visible to the naked eye. Finally, on one sunny day in a cottage of Sherwood, Maid Marian remarked on the twitching black larvae visible beneath his wrist.
“’Tis the offspring of K’rd, my dear,” said Robin.
“Is it serious?” said Maid Marian.
“Aye, but you needn’t worry,” said Robin. With that, he extended a very long tendril from within his tongue and removed Maid Marian’s brain whole through her right nostril.
After laying an egg sac in her now empty skull and burying her under the cover of darkness, Robin then drenched her brain in his own periwinkle maggot-infested vomit and cured it for a month.
After his band of merry men searched all of the kingdom for Maid Marian, a meeting was arranged in which Robin presented her brain. It had now grown into a hideous crustacean five meters tall, and it bore no resemblance to a brain whatsoever.
Before the men of Sherwood could even draw their bows, the brainbeast doused them in a torrent of fertilized eggs, which promptly hatched, and the newborn brainbeasts infected the merry men with a terrible disease that hollowed out their bodies from the inside and made K’rd thousands upon thousands of brothers and sisters swarm out from within their corpses.
Little John, who had been off hunting, heard the screams and came running in from the woods. All he saw was a sea of screeching and twitching K’rdlings, the terrible brainbeast and its children, his barely recognizable dead comrades, and Robin Hood, who frolicked in a pool of his own vomit and eggs. Little John was then devoured by the hungry brainbeast.
In time the K’rdlings had swarmed all over Merry England and infected the brains of rich and poor alike. Herds of brainbeasts flooded the landscape, and Robin Hood had become the screeching king of a once-proud island now infested with periwinkle vomit and pulsating egg sacs. From then on, England was known as “The Hive,” and the army of aberrations spawned by K’rd began their quest to rid the world of humans so that the Earth would be more appetizing for the planet-eating deity who ruled the planet of R’drock, Orrv. We will leave Robin Hood here because Orrv is too horrible to be spoken of by mortal tongues.
