MicroHorror

November 22, 2010

Filling the Void

When Jude first noticed the growing crevice in his backyard it was hardly noticeable, barely a divot, really. One evening, after several rum-and-cokes and harsh words with his girlfriend Jenny, he had stumbled down the back steps and tripped over the newly-formed gash in his lawn. He had thought nothing of it.

In the following weeks it would come to rent more space in his head.

It was but a week after that first drunken tumble when he sprained his ankle in the same hole, a hole whose size had inexplicably expanded to accept his entire foot. Jude hid his injury and the existence of the mystery hole from his judgmental girlfriend given a sudden wave of seemingly delusional ideas that were beginning to inhabit what Jenny would call that empty waste of space between his temples.

For the next several weeks Jude obsessively monitored the mysterious, yet steady, expansion of this intriguing hole in his yard, a hole that just happened to appear the same day his suspicion of Jenny’s infidelity began to fester, and a hole to which Jenny–no surprise–was oblivious, or simply ignoring.

No longer capable of simply regarding it as a coincidental metaphor for the fissure that was tearing through their relationship, he inadvertently gave the hole a life of its own. It was impossible (he would argue–with himself) to deny the indisputable parallel between its expanding maw and the similarly ever-widening interstice insinuating itself between him and Jenny. In fact, on a daily basis, in an effort to acquire empirical evidence to support his stubborn belief that the enigmatic rift had to be some type of physical manifestation of their deteriorating relationship, he took precise measurements of its dimensions, painstakingly comparing its spatial growth to the capacious gap that was likewise expanding between them, a space that was growing, yet ironically losing mass, empty but for the ever-present pregnant and volatile silence occasioned now only infrequently by the terse comment or gesture.

Those terse comments inevitably gave way to suggestions of a break-up. Jude, if pushed, would have reluctantly admitted that he encouraged the idea of a split solely based on the hole’s persistent growth. Supported by the evidence he had so meticulously accumulated over the past weeks, the fact that he could now practically fit his jet-ski into the hole irrevocably lead him to the conclusion–nay, scientific deduction–that there simply was not enough space in the house to sufficiently separate them. So, after much deliberation, Jude informed Jenny that he would be gone in the morning, that he needed more space.

***

The next morning, as Jenny made breakfast for one, she reveled in Jude’s absence. She basked in the warm and comfortable space that seemed to have doubled, seemed to have, indeed, acquired a life of its own. Smiling, she gazed out the back window thinking, I might want to tamp that dirt down a bit more, maybe spread some grass seed… oh… and put away the shovel.

November 16, 2007

Nipped In the Bud

The formidable squirrel eyed young Jeffrey like a mad surgeon about to perform a vivisection. It was absurd enough finding himself bound and gagged, waking to this titanic, surreal creature standing over him, but was it really brandishing that ten-inch hunting knife, too–the very one his father had promised to get him for his twelfth birthday if he managed to stay out of trouble? And did it really just lick its lips, like he himself had unconsciously done countless times over unsuspecting woodland creatures in the fields around his Wisconsin home? This had to be a nightmare. That beating he took from Pops last night must have concussed his brain.

Nope, that’s real pain–and blood!

The unbelievably dexterous rodent proceeded to open little Jeffrey like a miniature cereal box: one cut from trachea to genitals and two more crosswise, one above the pectorals, one below the belly button. But not deep enough to kill. The furry surgeon then slowly peeled back Jeffrey’s tight young skin and scooped out his entrails, tossing them like a salad. Jeffrey finally left this world when the vengeful squirrel donned his mad-butcher’s cap and completely removed and chopped up his large and small intestines–and various other viscera–like so much sausage.

The next day in the weak, pre-dawn light, Mr. Dahmer stood over his disemboweled son, grieving lost potential, wondering what his son might have grown up to accomplish, curious about the increasing number of small forest animals gathering around his son’s remains like gawkers at a crime scene. It was when, as one, they all turned their heads to look at him that he began running.

October 31, 2007

The Patch

A graveyard seemed a peculiar location for a pumpkin patch. Tombstones, fresh mounds, wilting flowers, mourner’s remnants… and a small collection of orange orbs stands out from the drab landscape. Even from a distance you couldn’t help notice they were all the same size: average; none puny or gigantic, all just right. As if chosen. You had to get really close to notice the dripping orange paint, the stumps still bleeding into the earth, and the faces that needed no carving.

October 29, 2007

Home Sweet Home

Engorged–but not in a good way. More like a strained water balloon, ready to burst. That’s what it resembles–only with fur. And you just know its contents aren’t anything like that clear tap water little Johnny uses to fill his phallic toy. No, we’re talking a putrid, bilious, olfactory-assaulting sludge in there. You touch it with your stick, softly, but that’s all it takes. Fluttering, splashing, whoopee cushion release, your rent opens on a family of rats in a raccoon carcass.

We all need a warm home to call our own.

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