MicroHorror

With the economy like it is, times were tough for everyone. Myself included. That’s why I had no qualms about taking a late night job to paint someone’s house at 2 am. I kept telling myself that there must be a rational explanation for this. Surely I was not going to be painting a vampire’s house or anything crazy like that. All I needed to do was man up, paint this dude’s house and get the money so I could pay my rent.

As I pulled up to the house at just past two I was a little annoyed to find that the lights were off. If this asshole ditched me and I stayed up this late on a Wednesday night for nothing I was going to be seriously pissed off. The guy’s car was in the driveway at least. Maybe he was just sleeping. Sleeping like I wish I was right now, and like any normal person would be doing at this time of night.

I got out of the car and slowly made my way to the front door. Not even a porch light was on. Hesitantly I knocked on the door. I sipped my coffee while looking around at the surrounding houses. They all looked the same. Goddamn suburbs.

“Can I help you?” I nearly dropped my coffee I was so surprised. I didn’t even hear the door open. Once I got a hold of myself I reached my hand forward for him to shake.

“Hey, how’s it going?” I asked him. He looked down at my hand and then back into my eyes. He did not move. “I’m Matt. Matt Murray, the painter.”

“You’re late.” With that said he turned and entered the house, leaving the door wide open for me to follow. The guy was weird. Tall and lanky with bloodshot eyes. He looked like he needed sleep a lot more then a fresh coat of paint on his walls.

I shut the door behind me, planning on going back for my equipment once the guy had shown me exactly what he wanted painted. He led me upstairs in silence, and stopped before a closed door. He swung his arm forward and pointed at the door, as if beckoning me to go forward and open it. His face showed no emotion. A great poker face, really.

I didn’t know what else to do, so I reached forward and opened the door. The smell hit my nostrils first. How did I not smell it before? The stench of spilled blood. It was almost worst then seeing it. Seeing all that gore on the floor, just soaking into the carpet. I found myself wondering whether there was even a drop left in any of the three corpses left on the ground.

The tall man then pushed me to the floor. I landed in the blood puddle that covered every inch of the room. It wasn’t warm anymore and had started to dry a little, which made it sticky. I watched as the man moved into the room with me, shutting the door behind him.

It wasn’t much, but I could see a smile form on his lips as he pulled a sharp knife from under his shirt. I began to cry. If only I hadn’t been so desperate for cash, I might have lived a longer, better life.

“Are you scared?” he asked.

“Y-y-yes.”

“You shouldn’t be. You’re on Scare Tactics!” He started to laugh, and I couldn’t help but join in. I couldn’t believe that I had fallen for it. I was on the hidden camera game show. I turned around to look at the “dead bodies.” They looked so real.

“Really? I can’t believe it.” I could not help saying that. Everyone asks that after the reveal.

“Actually, no. I’m just fucking with you.” And then he lunged forward and stabbed me in the throat.

I could see the lights from a house in the distance and I thanked God. In the hour since I wrecked the car, little baby Joseph had fallen back asleep and I had traveled at least three miles through the dark woods. Thanks for giving me the scenic directions to your new house, sis. It almost got your kid and me killed.

Carefully, I held Joe in my hands as I stepped through one last large bush and into someone’s backyard. But nothing could prepare me for what I saw as I gazed through the large glass sliding door and into that house.

Three… inhabitants sat on a couch, completely motionless. They hardly looked human. It was as if someone had taken pale yellow skin and stretched it over the dry bones of a skeleton. You could just imagine that when they moved you’d hear a horrible creaking sound. Their hair was long, messy, and stringy. Deep, dark, probably dank holes held bloodshot eyes that stared straight forward at who knows what. I was just thankful it wasn’t at me and little Joe. They were clothed in old, but fancy dress. Like something you would have worn to church… in 1920. All three of them had their arms folded upon their laps. But the worst thing about them was the smile. Wide as fuck, making sure that each and every one of their yellow teeth was on display.

Every hair on my body stood up, and my spine was most certainly chilled. “You know what, Joe?” I said to the sleeping infant my sister had entrusted to my care. “I think we’ll go to the next house.”

It was another hour walking alongside the road before we came to another house. The lights at this one were off, and I felt bad ringing the bell, but not more than a minute later the door slowly slid open with a squeak to reveal the woman from the skeletal trio. I managed to keep little Joe safe through a car accident and traveling a dense, dark forest, but that shock nearly caused me to drop the poor kid to the ground.

“Hello?” She spoke, never losing that wide smile. I look around, from side to side. I didn’t remember the road turning at all. How did I end up back here?

“I’m sorry, miss,” I finally answered, avoiding eye contact. “We’ve been in a car accident… Can I use your phone?” She nodded yes, and mumbled something I couldn’t hear. I followed her into the house where she led me to the living room. The other two of this terrible trio turned their heads (which did indeed cause terrible creaking) to look upon me and Joe.

“Hi. Just here to use the phone,” I told them. They remained silent. The lady, if you could call that thing a lady, pointed to a phone on a nearby desk. An old rotary phone. Retro. I moved toward it, but stopped dead in my tracks as she cleared her throat.

“Let me hold the baby, dear. Just while you use the phone.” The eyes of this trio burned into me. I looked down at sweet little Joe, fast asleep and unaware of the horrors right before him. I looked to the door, contemplating running.

“You don’t want to do that, dear.” She spoke again. “Now hand me the child.” She walked toward me, arms stretched out. I was shocked to find my arms meeting hers, and dropping Joe into her bony hands. She started to rock Joe in her arms; something barely resembling a lullaby escaped her pale lips.

I woke up the next morning tied to a bed, complete with a gag in my mouth. Joe was nowhere to be seen, but one of the trio stood above me, bloody knife in hand. He was shaking, laughing I think. But it sounded more like bones rattling. Sorry, sis. I told you I was a horrible babysitter.

Jeff and I were watching TV one lazy Saturday afternoon when suddenly a giant insect crawled into the room. It shined a silver color, had eyes of the purest black and resembled a five-foot-long grasshopper/lobster hybrid. It was moving very slowly. I estimated that with it being about ten feet away, it might take the vermin over an hour to reach us.

“Oi. Do you see that, man?” Jeff said, apparently just taking notice of the creature. “What do you reckon should be done about that?” He hardly seemed worried, but it was still a question that had to be asked.

Some time passed and the program we were watching came to a close. I looked over to check on our new house guest. I saw that it had halved the gap between us.

Jeff nudged me. “I’m going to the kitchen, you want anything?” I glanced back at the creature. The route to the kitchen would take him right by that thing.

“No. I’m all right. Thanks though.” Jeff got up and walked in the vermin’s direction. It slowly turned its head to peer at him with those dark eyes, but could not change its direction fast enough and soon enough Jeff was past him. I sighed in relief.

“Hey, Jeff.” He stopped, not more then three feet from that monstrous insect. “Doesn’t this seem a bit familiar?” I asked him.

“Familiar? How so?”

“I think I remember reading about something like this in a book once.”

“Something like what?”

I stared at him dumbfounded, and indicated the creature.

“Oh, right. Well what did they do about it in the story?”

“I think they killed it with an apple.”

“Like a food allergy?”

“No, not so much. I believe they hit it with an apple.”
“Right. Just a moment, then.”

Jeff returned with an apple in one hand and a beer in the other. We gathered next to our slow moving vermin, and I watched as Jeff tossed the apple at the creature’s face.

It became lodged within the creature’s black eye. A dark fluid resembling ink flooded from the wound. It dripped deep into my carpet. As I began to contemplate how I would get that stain out, the creature’s mouth shot open and out came the loudest, most high-pitched shriek I have ever heard.

Jeff and I were forced to put our hands over our ears. It only lasted a matter of seconds, but the effect upon us was strong. Our hands dropped to our sides. They were covered with blood that no longer felt welcome inside our heads. Jeff stumbled a little, and then fell altogether onto the floor. I soon followed.

After a few minutes we regained consciousness. After some struggle we were able to speak, but seemed to be paralyzed in every other capacity. We were helpless now. The creature inched closer. There was only about a foot between that horrible insect and Jeff’s feet now.

“What do we do now?” Jeff asked me. “What happened in the story?”

“I don’t know. I cannot seem to remember. I hope it ended better then this, though.”

After this we decided to remain silent. In fifteen minutes the vermin had closed the gap and slowly began to devour Jeff. It took him almost two hours to eat his legs. Jeff screamed in pain and agony. Apparently the paralysis did not provide the luxury of blocking out pain.

I pleaded with Jeff to remain quiet, but his blood curdling screams never ceased until he died an hour later. The creature turned its attention to me now. I believe I’ll have at least ninety minutes before it reaches me. And all I can think of are Jeff’s screams of agony. I’m terrified. I can’t take my eyes off the creature that means to eat me alive.

“Kafka’s Metamorphosis! That’s what this reminds me of.” At least I figured that out.

“Mien Fuhrer, you can walk!” Now that is a hell of a thing to wake up to.

My head was pounding with pain, and my mouth tasted of peanuts. I knew my friends were dicks, but really? They put peanuts in my mouth after I passed out at that party?

I could feel liquid dripping down the back of my neck, and those assholes wouldn’t shut up. I couldn’t even understand most of them. What the fuck is that? German? Are they speaking German? How the fuck did my retarded-ass friends learn another language?

I had to put my hands to my ears to try and shut out all the noise. Some prick must be watching a Saving Private Ryan or something in the living room with the sound all the way up.

My eyes finally adjust to the light and I fall back to the ground and hit my head. Shit starts to go black, but I know what I saw. My asshole friends in motherfucking Nazi uniforms. Everyone makes a racist comment here and there, but that is just too much.

I’m in bed now. My head still hurts. Someone was nice enough to wrap it, though. Surely not one of my friends.

There is only one person in the room. A nurse by the looks of it. Kind of fucking hot too. I smile as I try to sit up but she motions for me to stay put and walks out into the hall, shouting in German. What the fuck kind of cheap ghetto hospital did my friends take me to this time?

A man rushes in, he tells the nurse to leave and shuts the door. This asshole is dressed like a Nazi too. “Hello?” he asks.

“Where the fuck am I and why the fuck are you wearing that, asshole?”

The man turns paces back and forth. What an ass.

“I’m not sure how to explain this, sir,” he says with a thick accent. “We needed a fall guy, you see. The Russians are at our doorsteps here, sir. And if we don’t hand you over then it will be our balls. Our balls, sir! And seeing as you did the horrible dishonor of…of what is the English phrase….‘being a fucking pussy’ and blowing your brains out, we were quite fucked.”

All this is going over my head. Did someone slip some fucking acid in my drink last night?

“Thankfully all of the resources you put into studying the Occult paid off.” He knocks on the door and two more assholes bearing swastikas come marching in, these guys actually carrying guns! I always thought my friends were lazy, but damn. They really committed to this prank!

“Thankfully we were able to locate your soul, heal your wounds, and now everything will be okay.” One of the ‘soldiers’ aims his gun at my head.

“Whoa, asshole. You shouldn’t even pretend to do that shit.”

“Ich bin trauriger geehrter Herr, aber Sie sind unter Anhalten!” He shouts as the other soldier moves in closer, handcuffs ready. He slaps them upon my wrists and starts to drag me away.

I kick and scream and for my efforts I receive a gun barrel to the face. What the hell is going on here?

“Dude, you finally waking up? You got fucking trashed last night. You should call Sally, she is totally pissed at you.”

“Was? Wer sind Sie? Wo bin ich? Was geht das Bumsen, Sie bumsendes Arschloch weiter?”

“Calm down, asshole. Stop shouting that gibberish, and seriously stop banging your hands on my desk. You’re gonna bust that fucking thing up.”

I had a funny feeling that the Smiths were serving me people for dinner. I’m not sure why I suspected this, or why I continued to eat it, or even more so why I didn’t get the fuck out of there when I had the chance.

No sense in getting bent out of shape about it now. There is nothing I can do about it here, six feet underground. After all, they want me to get scared. To freak the fuck out. They said it is fear that really gives human meat such a delicious flavor.

So that is why I am able to stay perfectly still awaiting my suffocation when the casket runs out of air. I may have been too fucking dumb to save my own life, but I can still ruin their next dinner party.

The Smiths. More like the Pricks if you ask me. Ha! That’s it, Thom. Just keep laughing. Have to keep that fear at bay…

Well… I bought this recorder so I could sleep through class and not takes notes. Never thought I’d be leaving my last thoughts on it.

The door isn’t going to last much longer. They have been pounding on it for what seems like hours. Each crack and splinter in the wood sounds twenty times louder then the pounding fists on the other side. I am so going to fucking die today. And I didn’t even get laid.

Might as well start at the beginning. I’m a freshman in college and have been living in the dorms for a while now. I guess if I had spent less time talking to my girlfriend on AIM, and more time out and about on campus I would have noticed them earlier. Of course, temptation could have made me one of them that way. Thanks for keeping me busy in my room, Nikki.

I don’t know when it started, but once my classes started having attendance in the single digits I started to look around at things a bit more carefully. I had noticed that people seemed to be fucking like bunnies, but never thought anything of it. I mean, come on, this is college. And we are in the fucking country, for God’s sake. There isn’t anything else to do out here, really. Wish more of the bastards would have practiced safer sex, though.

That is the only logical way it could spread so quickly. This… virus? It must be passed through bodily fluids and shit. I don’t know how it got started. Aliens, government testing, new virus caught from fucking a monkey. I have no clue, but it is in the blood and it makes them horny as hell. I guess sex zombies would be a good name for them. God, when did my life turn into a crappy Sci-Fi Channel movie?

I guess I am the last uninfected left on campus. That must be why they aren’t trying to… I dunno, seduce and fuck me like they did to the others. It would appear they just want me dead.

Oh, my fucking Christ. Blood is seeping under the door and my barricades. Insane amounts of blood. It sounds like there is a fucking battle going on out there. Not guns. Sounds more like… swords? Slicing and piercing flesh.

I thought everyone was dead or turned. There are hundreds of those sex zombies on campus. To be able to fight them off would take unbelievable numbers, unity, and planning. They would have had to have to known each other well before this shit went down to coordinate this kind of an attack. Oh my God. Of course! Why didn’t I think of finding them earlier!? They must be the only other virgins on campus. Thank God for the Anime Club!