MicroHorror

Gentle readers and not-so-gentle readers:

I’m still running about a week behind on submissions, and I apologize. What I need is a new machine to replace this antique laptop. Thank you all for your patience and understanding.

Speaking of patience and understanding, or rather lack of same, I’d like to lay bare some of the ugliness I’ve encountered as an editor, just so you folks can know what things are like on this side of the desk and know how grateful I am that the vast majority of you are smart, sensible, rational people. Follow the jump below, and read this exchange of e-mails from the past couple of days. Identifying information has been deleted, but otherwise all quoted text is verbatim.

A couple of days ago, I received a submission from an author who had never submitted to MicroHorror before. I ran a word count, discovered that the story exceeded the 666-word limit, and informed her of this. She then submitted another story which did fit within the limit, but it was in desperate need of proofreading and editing. Typos were everywhere and the punctuation was simply awful. I replied with the following:

I’m sorry; the story requires more editing and proofreading before it
can be published on MicroHorror. It is not publishable in its current
state. Thank you for your submission.

Nathan Rosen
Founder & Editor, MicroHorror.com

Was I more curt than necessary? Perhaps I was; I was tired and grouchy, and I didn’t feel like cleaning up someone else’s punctuation mess. Nevertheless, I don’t think I deserved this response:

It is fine the way it is, you just don’t understand experimental fiction, I will send it to a paying market. Congratulations, you just passed on an original [NAME REDACTED]. Remember that, might even make you a footnote in literary history, though I doubt it, at least in your case. P.S. maybe you just don’t like stories by female writers, some men feel threatened.
[NAME]

I don’t like being insulted, but I know people can get hot under the collar. I decided that the situation called for a more complete explanation of my decision as well as some self-defense, and maybe the whole thing could be defused.

Dear Ms. [NAME]:

On the contrary. First, I refute your charge of misogyny, and as
evidence point out the large number of female contributors to
MicroHorror, as well as the fact that all three winners of the 2008
MicroHorror story contest were written by women. I believe that the
charge of my not liking stories by female writers can be safely
dismissed as groundless.

Ms. [NAME], I rejected “[TITLE]” because it was rife with typographical
and grammatical errors. The punctuation, in particular, was atrocious.
I understand that mistakes occur and that nobody is perfect, and I
regularly make small corrections to submissions before publishing
them. However, when a submission is as riddled with errors as
“[TITLE],” I am forced to deem it not worth my time and return it to
the author for correction. I assure you that no self-respecting
publisher would print a story in that condition.

This is a particular shame because I quite liked the premise and
thrust of “[TITLE].” The narrative structure was very well executed,
and I would have been pleased to publish it if it had not required so
much proofreading.

If you wish to correct the story and bring it to a publishable state,
I hope you will again consider MicroHorror as a venue.

Sincerely,
Nathan Rosen
Founder & Editor, MicroHorror.com

And what do I get for my time? I get this:

the ‘errors in punctuation’ are nothing of the sort, they are part of a new way of telling a story, you are just not getting it. Most of my stories written under another name and utilizing the exact same sort of punctuation are still being reprinted and reprinted since the 1980’s. These stories were published all over the world, what stories have were written that were internationally published, Mr. Rosen? You just don’t get it, you never will, and you don’t even pay anything for publication anyway, so, fuck you. P.S. you may well publish female writers, I am guessing that is the closest you have ever been , or will ever be to a female. You will see this story and others of mine published by more progressive mags, this is your loss not mine. I will not consider you as a venue in future, get off your high horse, sonny, try not to trip over your ego when you do.
[NAME]

I haven’t replied to this latest missive, and I doubt I will. You can’t win an argument against an unreasonable bully, and when it looks like an unreasonable bully, walks like an unreasonable bully and quacks like an unreasonable bully, that’s probably what you’re dealing with. Now, in all fairness, who knows? Maybe she’s right. (About the quality of her fiction, I mean; not about my sexual history, as my wife can attest.) Perhaps one day she’ll be raking in the millions and doing guest spots on Oprah, and I’ll still be sitting here, editing MicroHorror with one hand while I eat a Snyder’s of Hanover sourdough hard pretzel with the other. (Best pretzels in the United States. Seriously.) Life is full of mistakes, mine probably even more than most, and maybe I missed the chance to hitch my chariot to a rising star.

I doubt it, though. I have a strong suspicion that this particular writer’s attitude will hold her back far more than her writing skills propel her forward. MicroHorror contributors, I thank you, each and every one of you, for treating me as kindly as you have. This site couldn’t exist if I didn’t like you.