Cubicle Dwellers by Alexandra Erin
	"There's ants on my bagel again," Pam said from her space, three cubicles down. "What?" I asked, not very interested. It's not that the work on my screen was all that compelling, but I got paid a bonus for every record I processed. I wondered that Pam let herself get distracted so easily, even with the office almost empty. "Ants!" she repeated, louder, prompting me to look at the Styrofoam plate in her hand. Either her bagel had some unusually active poppy seeds, or she was right... it was positively crawling with the little buggers. "There's fucking ants on my bagel again. That's the third time this week! They just sprayed the place over the weekend. How could there be ants again already... and how do they keep finding the food on my desk so fast?" "Heh, maybe they live in the wall of your cubicle," I said. "Ick, don't even joke about that!" "It's no joke, Pam," I said, though it had been, and a weak one at that. But now I was thinking. "Ants are a fairly intelligent bunch, collectively. They've been known to react to changing circumstances. A colony that loses a lot of its workers has been observed to spontaneously raid other colonies, even those belonging to other species, and start taking slaves. That's not instinctive behavior for ants." "Yeah, don't ants normally just kill other species of ants?" "That's what makes it strange," I said. "We've always assumed that was hard-wired instinct, but it appears to be a choice. There's even 'super-colonies' that have formed where nests belonging to different types of ants have actually formed alliances with each other, setting definite boundaries between their territories and even exhibiting some simple forms of cooperation. Some of these super-colonies cover many hundreds of square miles." Pam shuddered. "You know the weirdest things," she said. "That's because I think about the weirdest things," I said. "But think about it: ants coexisting in human space is a fact of life, but we still do everything in our power to stamp them out, both literally and with poison sprays and traps. Since we'll never be 100% successful, each attempt is just going to make another generation that's smarter and harder to kill." "That sounds like the set-up of some kind of bad horror movie," Pam said. "You're the one always saying evolution doesn't happen overnight." "Evolution of genes doesn't... though natural selection would ensure the survivors are the toughest and fittest... and smartest... so what about evolution of ideas?" I said. "Humanity's big advantage has always been that we don't need to wait for evolution in order to adapt. If somebody does something stupid and dies, the rest of us can learn from it. If somebody comes up with something smart and survives a dangerous situation, the rest of us can learn from it. We use language to pass on our successful 'adaptations' the same way as genes, but it can happen from day to day instead of generation to generation." "Ants don't have language, though," she said. "They do... a chemical one," I said. "So, what if over the course of decades of living in an office, successive generations of tougher and tougher ants have also learned more complex survival strategies? They'd have to make nests out of sight, but in places where they can move around unseen... and still have access to food supplies. The cubicle walls would be ideal, inasmuch as they form a network connecting many desks, any of which may contain candy, pastries, or other sugar-rich items at any given time. The ants in each set of cubes would be one colony. " "The rumor floating around is that if people keep finding ants, they're not going to allow us to have food in the office any more," Pam said. "So, what are your hidden 'super ants' supposed to eat then? I suppose they'll just starve, then." I looked at her. "I think I'll bring two bagels tomorrow," she said.
	Copyright © 2007 Alexandra Erin