Channel Surfing by Nathan Tyree
	Channel 19 Some sort of black slime seems to be covering the lens. Either that, or the cameraman has applied a horribly scratched and grease-smeared filter. Whichever, the scene is near impossible to see clearly. The only thing that we can be sure of is that this is a static shot of a small room with a single chair in the middle. Beyond that we are in the dark. A sudden jump cut gives us a view of the same room. The image is clear now and the chair holds a pretty young girl, naked, tied securely. Her eyes are alive with terror. A large hooded man approaches with a serrated blade and begins to slice. CLICK. Channel 36 A gray man in a white suit is thumping his fist on a pulpit. He insists that the world will not be safe until a) all the homos have been killed and b) all abortionists have been killed. He also mentions, in passing, that God needs money. CLICK. Channel 47 Three zombies on long chains are ripping a screaming little girl to pieces. CLICK. Channel 52 A corporate shill pretending to be a newsman is lying about the situation in the Middle East. CLICK. Channel 68 An attractive girl who was almost a star last year, but faded fast, is talking about the benefits of a new pill that will make your cock bigger and harder. CLICK. Channel 77 A government shill pretending to be a newsman is lying about the President's new plan for rounding up heretics. CLICK. Channel 83 Lesbian sex. Wait... yes. Lesbian sex. CLICK. Channel 84 Two shirtless men face each other. They hold a boxing stance. Instead of gloves they are wearing large metal rings with sharp spikes on each finger. They begin flailing their fists into each other's flesh. Droplets of blood impact the lens, obscuring the view. CLICK. Channel 96 The President's latest National Security Chief (the last one was hanged for treason) is insisting that the nation is not about to go to war with some small Mideast country that most Americans have never heard of. In fact, he states, the nation has always been at war with that country. CLICK. Channel 99 The picture is out of focus, and the camera lens looks dirty, but it is just possible that in the corner of the frame there is a man being raped by trained dogs. CLICK. Channel 108 Pastor Hank DeSavey of the First Patriotic Church of God of the Apocalypse (FPCGA) is demanding that all patriotic, God-fearing Americans rise up against the left-wing conspiracy to smear the good name of our President (who, it is implied, may be the second coming of the Messiah). CLICK. Channel 19 The hooded man is doing something to the girl's head. She seems to be dead now. CLICK. Channel 83 Lesbian sex. We settle in for the night.
	Copyright © 2006 Nathan Tyree